my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
