i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
