Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My dick has a subreddit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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