There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
