I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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