This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
