I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
accomplished twins. life is a go
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
