she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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