well most of my day revolves around power hour
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
