New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
