Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
