11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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