Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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