so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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