I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
