he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
