i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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