You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
