I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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