His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
