Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
