Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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