Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
