All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
