I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
