She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
