6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
4 words: hood of his car
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
