...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
