Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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