I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
