i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
