the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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