Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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