My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
