Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
