The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Congratulations! We have a period
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
