Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
