If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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