so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
