For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
