I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
