Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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