um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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