dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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