So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Text me some of your sweat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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