I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
