Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
