I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
