Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
