And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
